november 22, 2004 -- 9:06 p.m. 

man. you'd think that after two months, something would have changed. i guess a few things have, but life's been pretty much been going on the same uneven keel for the latter half of this year. so as i wait for my laundry to finish and go attack my latest joseph campbell book, i thought i should write a little something or other here for a change. for no other reason to vent.

sometimes i think i would have made an ideal communist.

there are times, i admit it, that i can be somewhat of an elitist. but i have learned these last few years, we're all pretty much the same when you get down to it. there's been a lot of elitism around me lately, and god does it leave a bad taste in my mouth. i thought the lily-white oc was bad, but everywhere you go it's all the same. it's sad how people use others for their own ends. 

and bush isn't helping my frame of mind either.

it was pointless for me to vote. living in california, my vote either way was pointless ... kerry was going to win california hands down. now i can't say that i was this total kerry supporter kind of guy, he pretty much sold out the real liberals and people who honestly believe we made a huge mistake in iraq. but at least he wasn't bush. i think for the first time in my life i'm almost embarrassed to be an american. seriously. to be thrown in with the bunch of nitwits who buy the government line and what they see on tv every night just brings me down. i can and do think for myself. i've always been more libertarian than anything and have swung towards conservative and liberal sides of issues depending on what i thought was best. you should be able to do that. but it sure feels for me like it did in my punker years in the late 70s and early 80s when we all thought we were going to die in a nuclear war. i never really thought after the soviets fell that i'd end up wondering again when i'd see that bright flash of light on the horizon and warm feeling in my pants as i waited for the pressure wave or the radiation to come. living in california close to mexico means i guess i stand a better chance than the rest of america to glow in the dark thanks to bush's idiot border policies.

bah. i'm feeling too political tonight. but it has been bugging me.

short of that, my kewlness factor has dropped to a four year low and i hardly get to go to shows anymore and can't really dress up and spike the hair, and wear the jewelry and all that other stuff i used to do. sigh. i don't want to grow up yet. i'm still waiting to live out that fantasy of a rock star dying in the gutter on sunset with a needle in my arm. not even close to that yet, lol. speaking of which ... saw the crow two for the first time ever this weekend. iggy rocks! lol. lovely little gothic movie ... i could fit right in to it ... sigh.

anyway, fuck it all. i'm gonna go grab some sleep and make another long journey in the morning to starbucks and work. woo hoo!

out for now

snuff

m