so there you go. one year gone.
and once again, i come home solo from a show at the hob. this time at least i
wasn't stood up, lol, having a cohort tell me she'd prefer to avoid the show.
looking back it has got to have been one of the strangest, darkest, brightest
years of my life. as i look back over the summer and realize that i've not
touched my bike, haven't run ... it dawns on me how much has changed, and
what a convoluted road i've been traveling these last twelve months. i've no
regrets, other than the time lost mind you, but i think i'm stilll yearning to
find out what the answer is to the question fof why me? i know there's no answer
mind you, but that doesn't stop the thoughts from flooding in at times. but
tonight was such a different night than the one a year ago ... went alone ...
almost on purpose ... wasn't seeking anything or anyone ... didn't find
anything or anyone ... and didn't get bailed on by anyone ... spent some time
with some guys who for whatever reason seem to think it's pretty neat i do what
i do and found a few common threads to boot. saw some eye candy and kept my
hands in my pockets. but maybe that's the difference between jonny lang and hot
hot heat. i don't know ... it really doesn't matter anyway. i was even going to
go straight to bed tonight and not write a fucking thing here. something told me
i had to at least write down a few of my thoughts tonight ... something. i don't
know what it is that compels me to do the things i do, and to think the thoughts
i do, but i'll assume for the meantime that its my soul talking. tonight
he/she's (i'm an equal opportunity soul-provider, lol) probably being muffled by
the flood of dead brain cells rushing to my liver and kidneys to be pissed out
tomorrow morning. but no mattter.
but fuck it.
here's to one year's worth of
time. a year of ultimate highs, ultimate lows, smiles, tears and more medication
than i thought possible. the future's bright, and the darkness inside remains
something to be brought out and played with on occasion instead of an all
consuming ocean of despair. it's hard to believe how things can go so bad ...
and yet to realize now that they were never reallly THAT bad ... it was just the
mind and other external factors over which you have no control ringing the bell.
