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my biggest problem of late is the loss of my will and ability to go to the shows. can't seem to get home early enough no matter what i try, and honestly, i'm usually too tired to want to do it anyway. the saddest thing is i had the ability and didn't go to see either static-x or throw rag. how sad is that. there were a couple of nights there involving some heavy brooding and mass amounts of carls jr. comfort food. the good thing is the money's being saved, as are my brain cells, since tonight is like the first night in weeks i've sucked up a beer or two. the last time i drank was a jerry lee lewis' concert, and it was probably a good thing i stopped. way too much drinking before that. so like i saw this movie last night, when will i be loved, with a naked neve campbell in it. not all that exciting, i'll admit, but there's something about this theater i go to to see independent movies like this at, and the vroman's bookstore next to it, that makes me feel i'm on the wrong track for some reason. kind of like the drive home from hollywood driving down sunset thinking i belong in this place. i know it's all fake alternative bullshit with way too much liberalism and political correctness, but somehow it feels a lot more like home than van nuys or pomona, lol. and for whatever reason it's got me in a pretty bad funk tonight. mingle all that with some old thoughts from way back and the same kind of feelings are coming back. hell, even put in disintegration by the cure in the cd player this morning on the drive in. there's some happy shit for you there let me tell you. was looking high and low for the best cd ever (david sylvian) but couldn't find it. sigh. don't even have a backup on the old napster archives. double-sigh. and this ... tonight .. is like the first time in over a month i've actually done some work, if you want to call it that, on this site. i dunno. i guess i'm missin the old lifestyle and companions and a few other things. the sad part is things are kinda good really. landed the new job, car got fixed, health is ok, got time to practice, blah blah blah. sigh. i don't know ... i don't get it .. and probably never will ... anyway ... i'm gonna give up and go read some of the latest joseph campbell .. oriental mythology. pretty interesting ... but i sure wish i could read a real physics book someday ... one with the math in it. maybe that's my problem with vroman's afterall, lol. m |
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