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oh yeah. f u ... you f'in bitch. hee hee. that's so totally kewl hearing that in the morning on kroq. dr phil .... heh. anyway .... so wow. like the sun shone upon little snuffy this week. and things have been illuminated. and snuffy knows which way he wants to go. but like i said the other night ... i'm still scared. heh. but now i know it's the right choice should i be offered that outstanding opportunity. the indecisiveness has been stripped away and i now know which direction i need to head, heh. anywhere but where i be now. anywhere. so what's up motherfuckers? life is weird. so very weird. and this has been a weird week for the old snuffer. started cleaning up the digs for a possible move and come to find out i've still got some old like wedding stuff. that's all pretty much down in the dumpster downstairs by now, but i did keep some of the pictures. heh. amazing what thirteen years can bring. marriage, divorce, partying, and a slow death-crawl to stability. heh. and while i'm still not all that stable mentally, the lifestyle is. lol. adios late nights and mosh pits i guess. sigh. if the printing gods shine upon my ass next week i have the opportunity maybe to get back at least a little of the madness that's defined me these last seven years. my god, it's been that long, lol. i'm not as slim, not as fully haired up on top and not as kewl, but most people should be praying to the gods that they're as in touch and kewl as me when they turn 40-something. i do have that going for me. so while i can still impress some of our younger generation with my alternative kewl/weird-ness, i'm still not satisfied with myself and my own self image. i guess i need to come to terms with the fact that i'll never be robert smith or lux interior or even the snuff i pretend to be. boo fucking hoo. the weird part is that i'm seeing myself more and more in an old guy settled down position. own a home, go out a couple of nights a week for a coffee or a drink, mow the lawn, pet the dog, and do the rest of that domestic stuff that doesn't involve guitars, black lights and vast amounts of vodka. the dream of living in a nice place overlooking some water and a mountain or living on a lot next to a stream is starting to outweigh that old dream of dying in the gutter on sunset blvd. i've mentioned a time or two before. but goth chicks still rule, lol. so i like got promoted today. only in name for all intents and purposes. i'm appreciated and judged by people who have no real idea of what i do, how i do it, or for that matter how well i do it. but that's ok. my time is coming. and possibly a lot sooner than i'm ready for or really expected. concerns ... only one. mom. i know she'll be alright, but fuck it all ... guilt trips are abounding. mother fucking brother of mine got off scott free years ago. heh. and yet, i'm stuck being the good son ... always there, always helping, but still the brooding, dark, oh so like you're father son ... almost to the point of dismay. i am truly my father's child .. snuff
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