tonight is obviously the first time in a long while i've actually felt like writing anything down here for sharing. not that i haven't been totally bereft of thoughts, mind you, i just haven't had the ambition to write them. but tonight is different for some odd reason. got some fine wine going for mind lubrication. caught an early episode of the addams family and a simpsons for a change, avoided too much of a delay in a sig alert, and most importantly ... hooked up the headphones and played for a good hour (on the tele with new strings, no less) watching the sun fall over the hills, watching the sky turn red, pink, dull white, and now to a fine silvery haze, which is now increasingly turning into that horrid orange glow from the urban sprawl and it's lights from below. i think my english teacher once told me that run-on sentences were a bad thing, as is the lack of capitalization for that matter. so why is it that sometimes, as i do tonight, i feel like there's so much music inside me dying to get out, but it's all dammed (or should it be damned?) up by the
impenetrable tips of my fingers? hell it even sounded good to me for a change, and feeling that telecaster vibrate up against me as i watched the sky change with some candles burning in the room sure added to it all, but i couldn't quite get the feeling i was looking for musically or mentally. oh well. all things come to those who persevere right? maybe. there's been so many sunsets lately, so many spectacular ones i should say, that it almost makes the heat and
humidity worthwhile. tonight's one of those nights i would have preferred to have sipped some wine being quiet and hanging out on the balcony watching the show, but at 90 some odd degrees it wasn't all that conducive to "chilling" out. in any even i made do the best i could and it's turned into a pretty pleasant evening so far. it's going to be a long road to hoe these next few weeks, as i think i'm finally going to pay the price of going overboard with this whole music obsession thing i seem to have going. i'll be out more than i'll be in for the first time in a long time, and for the longest stretch of time to boot. i'm starting to grow a little concerned about it all too ... just a little mind you ... but i'm beginning to wonder ... the pit is so enticing to me these days, the bar or the rail just doesn't seem to cut it anymore. it's got to be louder, and harder, and more aggro it seems or i aint' so happy. fortunately i haven't done any real damage to the body, my mind, or my liver just yet. don't plan to either, heh heh. i've kind of given up on the whole trying to make things make sense gig for the time being and try and focus on shit that's a tad more positive ... cut back on the boozin, the eatin, the tv watchin, and get back to the exercisin, readin and playin. i'm getting there. don't know where it'll end, but i'm getting there.
but sunsets ... i think that's the last lingering thing in my mind at this point. no feelings mind you. just thoughts. that whole triggering thing i think i've mentioned before. but there's a lot of other things to trigger other thoughts now. nights at shows. the folks i've met ... folks i wouldn't have even thought twice about talking with years ago. other places. other musicians. other foods. i think i've finally made it to the point where i can look back and truly believe in my heart that it was all for the best and it was a learning and growing experience ... or maybe not for the best ... but it at least taught me some lessons i think. in the meantime though, i'll still curse that same god i cursed so many months ago, but with a little more of an impish grin and a wink in my eye than before.
enjoy the sky while you've got the chance people. it won't last forever.
