july 9 2003 ...
way too early or late, as the case may be ... around midnight
fuck.
there's a word that pretty much
sums it all up.
anyway. so likes it's been
forever since i've actually posted anything here. but i'm here now. after four
hours at the house of blues listening to some old blues/rock cover bands on a
$10 ticket. i'm feeling my age tonight on account of that. old people ... people
my age ... dancing and carrying on like a bunch of lame-ass white people. of
course that's what they all were. so as i stood up front, dressed in black with
my little skull rings, etc., etc., i was all alone for the bulk of the night.
had a few bozos doing some disco right by me. if i'd been drinking a little
heavier tonight i would have kicked some major bozo butt, but i wasn't, so i
didn't. there's more i want to say tonight, but i'm going to refrain, write it
down in a journal and post it later. evidently i've still got some unresolved
issues. all of the truly bad stuff seems to be gone ... it's almost been a year
now, so i guess it's about time. but i'm still so far removed from where i want
to be. too much bad food, too many extra pounds ... too much booze. it's like
i'm married again. somehow i've got to find a way back to my bike and away from
the bottle and the concert hall. there's so much going on right now at work, at
home, elsewhere, that i seem to be losing hold of the things i used to treasure
.. guitar, bike, fishing, web design .... there's other good and righteous
things taking their places, mind you, but i'm beginning to miss my old friends a
little. fuck ... i just seem to have lost completely the control i once had over
stuff ... i feel like i'm now the one being led rather than doing the leading
myself. don't make sense i know ... but it's how i'm feeling of late. anyway ...
i'm gonna go get some sleep ... gotta do it all over again tomorrow night ...
and i'm sure there'll be a lot of old folks at that show too.
what i wouldn't give to be 25
and know what i know now.
but it appears as if i'm 15
years too late for that.
peace to you all ... stay young
and never stop rocking ....
