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tonight's interesting piece of work is brought to you by the good folks at the level vodka bottling plant and the good folks who work at the southern comfort distillery. hee hee. so like this week sucked in oh so many ways. work frustrations beyond compare. car frustrations beyond the norm. don't know what to say about work. at some point you've got to wonder why you even try. i've pretty much been feeling like a salmon trying to swim upstream of late and unfortunately i don't seem to be one of the ones strong enough to make it to the end for mating season. this year the water seems to be way too swift and high. speaking of salmon, did i mention my fishing trip was cancelled this year for the first time in oh so many? not that the fishing would have been all that great, global warming is increasingly contributing to crappy fishing in the month of may, but i sure do miss that glass of cabernet watching the sunset and it's associated fireworks, the peace, the tranquility, and the good, good company i've had these past few years. sigh. but besides that, work's been the bitch of late. i think for the first time since i started working for a living that i'm actually starting to wonder if i know what i'm doing. i know deep down that i do, but so much is going wrong on so many fronts that i have no control over i feel like i'm losing my grip. meditation (not medication) is helping, but my health and mental well-being are starting to slip ever so slightly. i used to have the late nights and what not to keep me stable, but it seems that try as i might work always seems to interfere with that route to relaxation and happiness. grrrr. the arm and clot are way better thanks to cumaden therapy but now the heart's acting up like it did a few years back. scary shit. really scary sometimes. i'm prepared to bail if the universe so requires, but i'd prefer to stick around and see a more interesting end-game for myself. maybe one that involves tattoos, music, coffee and a new life in seattle. heh. my new dream. goodbye to the one where i die in the gutter on sunset blvd. with goth girls walking over me. heh. not to mention the other work shit, that never ever never ever should have happened. i'm going to lose a few karma points on this whole work situation i'm sure, so i've got to try harder now to be a better pooh. way more better, heh.trying to be kewl with people sometimes just doesn't help or pay or work out or anything positive whatsoever. i've always trusted my gut for the most part, and it's led be down the wrong path a couple of times, but this time the head is winning out and i've got tons of backup. life is shit sometimes. and i definitely don't like it when life is shit. not one bit. things didn't turn out the way i wanted, the way i intended, the way they should have or anything like that, but sadly it ended up out of my control. between self-destructiveness on one hand and over-zealous punishment on the other, i'm left facing the laws of unintended consequences. but at some point you just don't want to suck it up anymore no matter how much pain and trouble follow. on the bright side, i did get to see some music the other night, so that was nice. almost like the old days, even though i had to behave having work the next day. it was nice to see that some things stay the same and there are positive people and happiness somewhere in this world. my baby also sent me a picture of the two of us from rincon point, which was a kewl night, and one of her new friendly mountain. it's sooooooooooooooooo big. hee hee. did i mention i make a kick ass lemondrop martini? hee hee. anyway, it's like a million fucking degrees outside still i think. either that or the alcohol is keeping me warm. in either event i don't hear the a/c working, so it's probably just my drinks, lol. but it's late, i'm tired, sooooo tired, and am ready to start a new week without drama and frustration. here's to it. and more good karma waves and whatever other positive energy things i can send to everyone tonight. peace be with you all, god bless you all, and may we all find happiness together in the future. snuff
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