may 17, 2005 -- 8:44 p.m. 

howdee ho boys and girls.

i should be packing for my trip this weekend. but i'm not. i'll leave it to the last minute i think. so i talked to and old friend tonight for a while which was kewl, got a couple of bacon-cheesy dogs from the weinerschitzel down the the street and am now sipping my pepsi and sucking up a few chinest noodle thingies i'm supposed to take to the ranch with me.

oh well.

so like i turned 41 this past weekend, and short of a dinner and some company late in the weekend it was pretty low key. was kind of sick anyway from all the allergy med's and just plain old exhaustion but it would have been nice to get out. cleaned the pad and found some of my fishing gear instead. useful, just not all that much fun.  went to work monday, banged my head pretty bad on an air compressor so i now resemble an old harry potter. about an hour later, fell over a cart of boxes and hit the floor much to my shin's dismay. later in the day i was serenaded by the ladies and a few of the guys at the shop with a rousing rendition of happy birthday (cha-cha-cha), followed by a nice little cake party. kind of neat. i also put away the observation that the lighter skinned folks in the place really couldn't have cared less. so much for being a gringo.

enough about work though, it's still sad, getting sadder, and i think this is the first time in years i've really been looking foward to and almost needing to get away. geez.

i'll be right back. gonna go put these chinese cracker things away before i eat the whole bag.

ok. back.

so i've been feeling weird lately. thinking i need to get back to some spirituality rather than just work and drive and eat and sleep. lots of crap on the old noggin lately with worries, concerns, stress, and a bewilderment at just where in the fuck life's going right now. sigh. then combine it with the sad realization that my show-going days are winding down more and more and i'm not nearly as alternative and kewl as i was a year ago and wahhh wahhh wahhhh. heh. i could be a lot more alternative i suppose, but that's a whole other bag of worms.

in the meantime i think i'm gonna lay off the wine and vodka for a while, or at least severely restrict the consumption of such beverages, dabble in some vegetarianism maybe (meat is just soo yummy), and try and get back into some meditation again. we'll see what happens on that front i guess. my guess is i'll have the best luck with cutting down on the wine, that's always been fairly easy to do for a while. meat, that's another story, lol, but i have been sucking up more rice than burgers lately so at least i'm trying.

well, i've gotta go and at least make an effort and trying to find some stuff to go fishing with. i'll catch you in a few weeks after my first show in  quite a while ... peter murphy. should be neat ... he always is. but i'm still really pissed i'm going to miss the supersuckers. it's almost not worth catching a trout over. waaaah.

out for now ... 

m