so it's another month already. amazing how the years just start to fly by. my
jaw hurts a little tonight. got clocked pretty well at a show saturday night by
some drunk off his ass skinhead. had some company this time and spent an
inordinate amount of time on protection duty and dodging water bottles and
flying beer and whisky. i wonder some times if i'm really too old for this crap.
looking at the people in these audiences who are my age (and at some shows there
aren't any) they all seem so tired. i don't feel that way when i'm there and
don't really think i look the same as they do, but i wonder. it sucks sometimes
to be a 20 year old in an almost forty-year old body. i'm once again playing
regularly, which is kewl. doing the exercises, practicing the songs, even trying
to sing a little. not that i'm good at THAT by any stretch. i was hit upside the
head with another dilemma saturday night ... which way to pursue ... blues or
rock. brother yusef plays outside the hob sometimes, and that finger-picking,
finger-sliding, sob always brings me back to where i wanted to go when i started
this obsession two years ago. so what do you pursue? you know you can't really
have either, but which one do you want to try and go for anyway? black leather,
spikes, head banging and hot chicks, or personal and musical integrity with a
small audience, none of whom will be removing their tops or throwing their
panties at you. it bothers me a little that i'm really too old to attain either
one of those ... there's so little time left. in the meantime i guess i'll keep
pursing both and be half-assed at everything in my life. jack of all trades,
master of none, right? by the way, the brain is working a little better these
days, although this month-long haze still lingers and i haven't enjoyed the
outdoors the way i used to even once this year. gotta fix that before the
fishin' trip arrives. anyway, enough for tonight. i'm off to practice a little
more and then get some sleep and maybe if i'm really lucky i'll get to spend
some time with a fuzzy blue-grey sweater and a pair of eyes that i still long to
lose myself in. but it is only a dream now. only a dream.
