all i can say is that the world is spinning wrong these days. bombs capable of
reaching the west coast. a president hell-bent on starting a war for all the
wrong reasons. people hating other people every where you look. everyone looking
out for #1 with no concern for others. it had seemed like we were doing so much
better ... myself included. hopefully it's one step back, two forward, instead
of the other way around.
so like this whole mess has got me feeling weird again. this time though i've
got both ends of the spectrum, hee haw. nothing like getting it from both ends.
tomorrow is valentine's day, and it will be exactly three years to the date when
i had a crown prepped at the dentist and obtained some help for myself for the
very first time. it's also the official departure date of someone who is now
long gone from my feelings. it's three years after the fact and not much has
changed, although i feel lots of stuff is about to. this is going to be a year
of transition. i was hoping for a year of rest and reflection. it's fairly
certain now that i'm going to be disappointed.
i've made a little progress on other fronts the last week or so. the sting
remains, and all of this rain is making the melancholy that much more acute.
sadness and trouble in the lives of loved ones both near and far hasn't helped
either. but at least the bottom of the pit is a lot higher than it was a couple
of months ago. and you never know, things may all work out for the better ....
there is a chance, albeit a small one, that what lies ahead maybe a lot more
positive and fulfilling than it seems at the moment. that's not saying much, but
it's something to hold on to while the world continues to spin off kilter. in
the meantime, i'm going to go try and sit and try to keep myself centered for
the coming storms.
there are so many things i would pray for tonight IF i was a true believer. i
just might try it again ... but i'm still waiting for the knock on the door that
will make a believer out of this cynical old fool.
good night
and don't take love for granted tomorrow, regardless of what shape it comes in.
