guiness extra stout. gotta love it. had a couple tonight at a nice irish pub with a good guy. more discussions about life, god, kids, the future, you name it. it's good to have talks like that over a few. i don't get that nearly often enough. it's hard being old and single when everyone you know is married with kids. nobody can come out and play. so now i'm like in this melancholy mood (like what else is new, right?). dredging up the past can be helpful, but it sure can bring back old feelings. oh what the hell. i've got heavier things to worry about right now. i'm definately at a crossroads, it seems. almost every tie that has bound me has now become unwound, and all that stands before me is an uncertain uncharted future. should i stay or should i go? there's only one reason i should stay here, but it's not my reason, it's somebody elses. so i guess it's not really a reason. so maybe it's time to summon the courage and bail for the mountains and the life i think i really want to live. not too sure it's in me though. oddly, this latest slap doesn't seem to be dragging me down, which is kind of unexpected ... maybe i've just been preparing myself for it for a long enough period of time. in any event, it might all work out. i grieve though for the others, and how they're being hurt through all this. people just don't understand. they just don't get it. but it's just business right? nothing personal? right. people should never be made to feel worthless, or treated as if they were. i want to send some prayers and support to a special person tonight, but can't do it at the risk of being stupid. but the heart it always dumber than the head isn't it? may tomorrow be brighter for us all. good night.
