i'm still sick. definitely bad karma coming back. i'm almost positive of it. too much focus on the negative of late.
that positive dream i was wishing for the other night didn't happen either. i
got more of a slap in the face and a reintroduction to the undercurrent. the kicker came this afternoon. yet another part of me died, or at least it's death knell was sounded. thought it was over two years ago, but it somehow lived on. this time the little piece of work i helped to build has been sold to people who actually know what they want to do, i think. that doesn't bode well. the whole venture has been reduced to an exercise if futility, and i've given up on it in most ways. nothing like feeling useless and being paid well at the same time. but you never know ... out of death comes life, right? or so it's said. it could be the start of something big. i think i'm due for something big in life, even if the universe may disagree. hell this whole new adventure may even remove that bittersweet thorn from my side at long last. not that i've ever really wanted it removed, mind you, it's just pointless to hang on to something that no longer exists (and may never have to begin with), and has just become a source of negativity. not having to face my demon 5 days a week would be a help to be sure.it does suck though ... you can get so much out of something, only to end up turning on it against your will. funny how your heart gets you into trouble to begin with then turns against you in the end. next time i'm handing the victor's glove to the heat. anyway, stay tuned for further developments. the next few months should prove interesting to say the least. maybe, for my head's sake, the summer will be dull.
