blew it again today. another lost chance to be human. i'm beginning to wonder what it's going to take to find myself again.
as for now ... i'm back yet again from another show. social d again. heh. thought it would be better this time. it wasn't. oh well. live and learn i guess. i'm finding the hob to be somewhat of an enigma, if that's the right word, for me. i've had some of the best times during the last two years there, yet i can't disassociate it from the events of one particular night. there's so much there to spark remembrances both there and on the way down katella. i decided tonight that what the human mind really needs instead of drugs and therapy is a recycle bin. failing that, having an eprom implant might do the trick. either way would be fine by me. it's amazing how such little things can easily make such strong connections and how extremely difficult it is to break them apart once made. it doesn't really seem fair to have to live on such a one way street. but for now it's four and a half hours until wakey time, so i'm off. perhaps i'll be lucky and a few of those ropes i'm holding on to will be released and the ships they're attached to will slowly, gently and quietly drift out of my harbor and into the night.
